You know what they say (whoever they are) Be careful what you wish for!! I wish constantly for the kids to be home. They are. And, with it comes chaos, busy schedules, planning, plans that go awol, frustration, love and admiration and regret. All at once it often seems. My daughter arrived and is full of love and warmth and loaded down with books. She is determined to finish her semester early. Steven (the middle kid) arrived with computer in tow and resembling Chewbacca as he failed to get a haircut since August. (YIKES!)
Haircut appointment has been scheduled, books are being read, and despite all being in town – NOT ONE DINNER TOGETHER YET!
It is a familiar sense of frustration which creeps up on me, trying to juggle what needs to be done what we want to get done. But it is family and it is wonderful having the chicks back in the nest. O.K. technically Rob isn’t in the nest, he has an apartment in Denver.
But for all the days I miss my kids younger days, I love seeing them growing up into the great adults they will be. Sarah is more generous with her heart than ever. Steven is as stubborn as ever – delivering amazing arguments for his position with such conviction. (If the arguments only made sense to me!!)
It is that constant push and pull of the empty nest. I want to pull them back but I know they need to fly. They are ready to fly. I just want to have a few more moments of their childhood. I know I can’t have that and I can only enjoy the gifts they offer. They are brilliant, loving people. It is hard for me not to look back and not have regrets. I wish I could let go of that which I cannot control. I wonder how I could have been a better mother. There never seems to be enough time. With three kids there always seems to be a compromise – a feeling of shorting someone.
But I cannot go back in time. I can only seize today. Last night as I was preparing to go to bed, my daughter came rushing up to me. “Its a Lunar Eclipse tonight!” So I put tired aside and stayed up as we frigidly watched the shadow of the earth move across the moon. It was worth it. It was grabbing that moment that will never come again.
Christmas of ago
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