To have a friend, be a friend.

10 Aug

I’m still stuck thinking about the friendship issue. What makes someone a good friend ?  What makes us gravitate to certain people .

The phenomena of Facebook has really changed what we consider friendship.  Occasionally people “friend” me whom I have no idea who they are. We are connected by others we are friends with, but I don’t know who they are – which makes me wonder ….do they know who I am? And, why do they want “friend” me?

I have one neighbor who always has my back.  I have another neighbor who has for reasons unknown to me, doesn’t care for me – or at least takes opportunities to say less than flattering statements about me. And, she has made the repeated mistake of repeating her opinions to my other neighbor. She holds no punches as she corrects the other neighbor.  That is a loyal friend indeed – she confronts what she perceives as an injustice to someone she cares about.

As we age, friends are harder to find.  When our kids are young, there are the immediate relationships formed by playdates, school, dance classes and sports.  As the kids age, we find the opportunities to make friends lessens. I moved to a new state at age 40. My kids were just old enough that I wasn’t able to recreate the wide net of friendships I had in Texas.  But, while I have fewer friends, my friendships are incredibly strong.

My 86 year old mother is losing friendships. Some have died, some are in nursing homes and it makes it difficult at times.  She has rekindled a childhood friendship and speaks regularly with her friend.  She still talks to her closest friend from college.  Those are bonds that make us who we are.

Today my daughter’s closest friend is flying out to visit her. They have just graduated High School. My daughter spent a good part of her high school pursuing her dream of working as an actor in Hollywood.  The two haven’t gone to school together since 5thgrade, yet there is something about both girls that has allowed them to stay close.  They are amazing girls – both have determination to succeed, both have strong values.  They are lucky to have each other and they definitely have each other’s back.  I envy their weekend and the laughter and joy that always accompanies their time together.


Ashleigh & Sarah


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