Happy half century?

13 Jul

50 sucks! Really the only perspective in which it wouldn’t suck is when I turn 60.
At 50 a timer dings and suddenly jowls appear, the mid section spreads, menopause (which doesn’t pause by the way) arrives and there is a giant “5” in front of my age.
I know “better than the alternative”. Yes, it is. But at 50 I look at my 86 year old mother and think – “Wow that’s not that far off…….is it?” I just spent a week with my mother. She is still sharp and living on her own, but she is wondering how much longer. And every time she has trouble recalling a name or event she thinks “Alzheimer’s?” No one wants to be the elderly person forgotten in a wheel chair waiting for their Depends to be changed.
She talks about her friend, whose daughters wouldn’t allow her to stay in her home. Instead of hiring someone to live with her they convinced an ignorant judge to allow them to be her “guardian”. I’ve been around the woman more than her daughters – she could have stayed in her home. My mother takes her fruit and chocolate bars and visits her. Her room reeks of the previous tenant’s urine. My mother keeps after the administrator to deal with this.
I know, I have leaped over the next 36 years. But the clock won’t go in reverse. I could have my jowls reversed, I could inject a bit of botox. Instead I am trying to watch what I am eating and upping my exercise – all positives in the path of aging. It just feels weird to be the older one in the room.
When are we too old to start new adventures? I still have lots of ideas and passions for things untried. I just don’t seem to be able to get myself organized and disciplined enough to do them. Just like we tell our kids, it’s time to set goals. When my kids were home, my schedule was ruled by theirs. I have a calendar with nothing in it except for which day I drive my son back to his college. I need to figure out how to get myself motivated.
I am trying to push myself to try new thinks. Total barre class? Love it! The 30 days of no repeat meals – long past 30 and still finding new things to try. But it just feels like I allow days to pass without a sense of accomplishment.
10 years til 60 – I don’t want to turn around and see regret staring back at me. Bucket lists need to start!


One Response to “Happy half century?”

  1. Luann Johnson July 13, 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    Love it! Call me anytime you want to feel younger – I am old!!! xoxo L

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