Time To Make A List

22 Feb

I never make lists of goals or even “to do lists” for the day  – anymore. I used to. I had to. I had so much to get done – I worked as an interior designer and there was always a fabric to pick, to order, to take to the workshop, etc. I was in Junior League and I always had a commitment with that. I was my boys cub scout leader. My kids had soccer and swim team and dance classes. I had to have a list – to keep me sane and on task.

With no kids in the house, and no job and no volunteer obligations – nothing gets done. It isn’t that I don’t have things to do. I have things to do. My daughters web series requires daily work. I have a vintage web site I am trying to get started. I have taxes to gather papers for and get to the CPA. Why cannot I not get anything done anymore. I seem to waste days on end.

Watching my mother, I realize she does the same thing. She sits down to go through a box of photos to distribute amongst the kids or at least organize and she has to make a cup of tea. She has to turn on the tv and find something interesting. The phone rings. Now it is noon and I am still begging her to get through the box as she wants her office are organized. I now see how she stopped painting. She was a talented artist but stopped creating. My dad became ill with cancer and that took her focus. She never regained her focus. She always thought once the kids left she would paint more but she didn’t. She became involved in trying to forward the arts in Texas. And, she did to the point the Texas Governor gave her special recognition. But she stopped painting and has trouble getting things done. (Ok – she is 86 – she can sit and have her tea if she wants )

I think the list is important. Otherwise the day is gone and at the end of the day there is a frustrating lack of achievement. And, at the end of the day I smack my head up the side and think “Oh yea – I was going to…..”  Time to start the list again. Otherwise time is going to zip past me like a rocket and I will be still standing in the same place.

Funny how easy it is to see others issues, roadblocks, but not our own. I am my biggest roadblock. I put a cliff in front of my road – a giant grand canyon. I’ve got to stop it and get back on the treadmill of life.  I think my weight gain is because it is easy to munch something and procrastinate. I think my fear of failure prevents me from beginning projects – can’t fail if I never try.

Starting today now. So, I will finish gathering everything  for taxes and make an appointment with the CPA. I am checking that off – so the piles of receipts will stop mocking me.

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