49 is a very large number!

16 Jun

Here it comes………in one week and one day……….I will be 49.  And today, my oldest child (yes still a child, always will be a child to me) is 22 years old.  As, I was going to sleep at 1 a.m., I tried to think about 22 years ago. I don’t really think all that much about 49 years ago. I think of my life in terms of my children.  When my son popped out (wow that is a visual) 22 years ago, my life took a dramatic turn.  I really had never felt more happy and complete in my life.  I know not everyone feels that way about the birth of their child. I have friends whose thoughts were “What the hell did I just do”  and I friends for whom “the baby phase” was an eternity and they much preferred their child once they could use the bathroom and speak.

I am not a mom that judges other moms. We feel what we feel. And, in some respects, I was the crazy mom. The mom who couldn’t leave her children and work a job.  I am so thankful I was able to stay at home.  Yes, I did make homemade baby food.  O.K. only the first child had a lot of homemade baby food.  With three kids – 2 years apart – I am not Wonderwoman.  But as my 49th birthday looms, I wish I looked like Wonderwoman!!

Birthdays make me introspective……and critical……..maybe that is why we get depressed at birthdays.  I can’t help but think of what my dreams were.  I was the girl who wasn’t going to get married or have children.  I loved the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Didn’t she live in the coolest studio apartment?  In the top of an old Victorian ?

My baby boy is 22 and I am really proud of who he is. He is a brilliant, caring, loving young man. When I look at him, I still see that little boy.  I have a friend in Texas who has a son, the same age. Every time we talk, we cannot help but remember summers of 105 degrees. As we stood baking in the sun,  we managed to cheer our kids on as they swam the length of the pool, and usually they finished together in first and second place.  On those days, the summers seemed endless.  I loved that the neighborhood kids liked to hang out at our house. Now, he has his own place where his friends love to gather.  I am thankful everyday that he is a part of my life.

Tonight my son and a friend or two will wander over for dinner.  I may just have to get a squirt gun, after all I do have a lot of water fights left in me.

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