On the wings of crazy

22 May

So, shortly after my daughter’s trip to the E.R., I headed out to CA for a few weeks with her.  While the airlines are working very hard to screen terrorists, they haven’t yet found a crazy flier screening test that the ACLU won’t file suit against.  Perhaps they should just use me – as I appear to be a magnet for people who appear to have one foot in reality and one foot, well……let’s just say out of reality.  I get on the plane, ( I am a Frontier Airlines fan – never had a flight leave later than 20 minutes and we still land on time, haven’t lost a bag http://www.frontierairlines.com/frontier/home.do and I can watch the Food Network Channel the entire flight http://www.foodnetwork.com/)  anyway – back to the plane – a woman is sitting across all 3 seats in the row with my seat. Who does that??  I say excuse me and she moves to sitting in the middle of the other 2 seats. Another guy comes down the aisle and she moves to the middle seat.  She is nervous as a cat. ( I am wondering if she is the bomber  – hey don’t tell me I am the only one that thinks that when on an airplane ) After the door closes she jumps up and moves to the row in front of us – the extended leg room row. The flight attendant comes back and tells her to move back to her seat. She just kept shaking her head and not moving. Surprisingly the flight attendant gives up and lets her sit there.  (Obviously since I am still here – not a bomber – but I’m not sure she is intact upstairs) The guy still sitting in my row starts talking to me.  For anyone that rides on an airplane with me, I am not a talker. I like my headphones, my Kindle (http://www.amazon.com) and the Food Network.  He is talking loudly, really loudly. I am not encouraging him, I am just nodding and not responding. Apparently, he is amazing. Really, really amazing. He saved the Miami airport during a total computer shutdown.  Bill Gates is a personal friend and he once worked at Microsoft and now fixes computer for poor kids. He also saved Frontier airlines computer system. So the airlines love him and he can fly anywhere, anytime. Now, if any of this or all of this is true, than forgive me. But it seemed the more I nodded and didn’t buy into his tale, the longer and wilder it became, and louder.  The story suddenly halted when the man seated across the aisle leans back and yells, “Dude the plane doesn’t care so SHUT UP !”  If ever a plane needed an air marshall, it was this flight. I decided it was time to make a defensive maneuver, and leaned against the window and fell asleep.

We land at LAX and as we taxi to the gate, the shouter leans back to the loud talker and slurs “Dude you are really all right!”  I look at the loud talker and he whispers ( yea – whispered! Who knew ?) ” Drank beer after beer the entire flight.”

Now, I hope no one is hating on the Frontier flight attendant who served him beer after beer. I am betting she thought, “It is the last flight of the night and if it keeps this obnoxious guy happy and we don’t have to have police meet us at the gate in L.A. …….”  I like to think the flight attendant’s feet hurt and she just wanted to get home and off to bed. But the journey isn’t done and I don’t think her night was going to be short.   As we stand awaiting the door to be opened, the woman seated in the bulkhead suddenly sits back down and says ” I think I am going to be sick! I don’t think I can stand and walk! I feel like I might pass out.”  She is leaning against the bulkhead and the flight attendant is questioning her. ” Did you take any medication.? ” Before we hear an answer……the rude man interjects ” Hey open the door and let us off. We don’t give a f*&$# about what her problem is and we just want to get the f$*#& off this plane. It ain’t our f*$&#in’ problem. ”   Ok, he had one point right, I was thinking I want off this plane and as far away from him as I could get.

What is it in the universe that sometimes makes all the characters show up to the party?  There wasn’t just one odd or rude person invited to dance. Was it a full moon?  All I know, was I was glad when my friend Marcy picked me up and relieved when we made our get away.


2 Responses to “On the wings of crazy”

  1. Kristin June 9, 2010 at 4:50 am #

    Man, even funnier the second time around! So glad you got this all recorded for posterity! I know now to travel on a different plane from you! Ha! Seriously, glad you arrived safely and able to tell the tale. It was great!

  2. idriveskj June 13, 2010 at 8:47 pm #

    Loving it! :o)

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